THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING SOUTH AFRICAN

1. No need trying to keep up with the Joneses, they emigrated last week.
2. You can eat worms and half dried meat and not be considered disgusting.
3. Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid.
4. Unrivalled job prospects for those unburdened with training, skills or experience.
5. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance company even pays for it.
6. You can experience "kak" (re. shit) service in eleven official languages.
7. Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at rugby matches?
8. It's the only country in the world where striking workers show how angry they are by dancing through the streets.
9. You're considered clumsy if you cannot: use a cellphone (without a carkit), change CDs, drink a beer and smoke,  all at the same time while driving a car at 160 kph (100 miles) on the highway.
10. Great accent.
11. People mistake you for Australians..
12. Americans will never consider dropping a nuclear bomb on you because they don't know you exist.
13. If you live in Johannesburg, you get to brag about living in the most dangerous city in the world..
14. You get to carry a gun.
15. Burglar bars become a feature, and a great selling point for your house..
16. You can decorate your garden walls with barbed wire..
17. The police are the first on the scene for most major crimes, without being called....   

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN SOUTH AFRICA WHEN:

Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins (sounds familiar?).
When illegal immigrants leave the country because the crime rate is too high..
The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary you've just reported..
When a murderer gets a 2 year sentence and a pirate TV viewer gets 6 months..
The prisoners strike!
You can't make a phone call because the copper cables have been stolen..
The police stations have panic buttons to call armed response when they are burgled.
The police stations have private security firms guarding them.  

Latest from the ministry of Transport.

In the name of political correctness the name "Taxi" will be changed to "Computer". Why you may ask?
It has windows.
It is driven by a floppy (nickname for black African).
Very likely to catch a virus.Can crash at any time.
Is always running out of space.Has a knack of irritating you.
Even with all the bells and whistles it still does no better than without them.
If it does not work then you have NT (no transport).

Have a nice day now!