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2 October 2000
Crime & Humor

Crime and more crime! Traffic police becoming the target - anything to do with law and order becoming the target! 

Here's a couple of truths when living in Gauteng: Gautengeleng. 
You know you live in Johannesburg when...
1. The person in front of you in traffic this morning was hijacked and you got irritated because you missed the traffic light.
2. While eating dinner a news item comes on TV about a family of six slaughtered in their home, and you ask someone to pass you the salt.
3. You never think of taxis in terms of 'public transport'.
4. You have a minimum of five worst taxi stories.
5. While waiting at the ATM the bank is robbed by armed gunmen, but you'll be damned if you're going to lose your place in the queue.
6. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you. 
7. The last time you drove your car without swearing at someone was when you took your drive test.
8. It takes you an hour and a half to drive 5km to work in the morning and you think  "wow, good traffic day".
9. Every time you find your car parked where you left it you are genuinely surprised. 
10. You've never been to Melville or Rockey Street, but love Sandton City.
11. You can get into a four-hour argument about the quickest way out of Sunninghill after work on a Friday, but can't find Boksburg on a map.
12. Prostitutes and the homeless are invisible.
13. You've seriously considered shooting someone.
14. You have more barbed wire around your home than Diepkloof Prison.
15. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
16. You consider a postage-stamp sized patch of grass a garden.
17. You consider Midrand the 'country-side' 
18. You happily pay R3500.00 a month for a townhouse in the North the size of a cupboard, but think R2.50 for a loaf of bread ridiculous.
19. The last time you visited the coast you paid more in accumulated speeding fines than you did for the entire holiday.
20. Your monthly car insurance is more than most of the people in SA's car repayments.
21. What are stars?
22. You own hiking boots and a 4WD, neither of which have ever touched dirt.
23. You actually take fashion seriously.
24. Being truly alone makes you 'go for your gun'.
25. You have 20 different menus next to your phone.
26. SA South of the Vaal is still theoretical to you.
27. You can carry R350 worth of groceries in one plastic bag. 
28. You don't hear gunfire anymore.